Wednesday, June 4, 2014

END OF THE YEAR AWARDS :)

Ok – so here it is. As I sit here preparing for the end of another school year – I have been watching everyone brag be happy about all the various impressive awards that their kid(s) have gotten from school this year. It has been extremely tempting to want to slit my wrists feel bummed that my kids didn’t receive squat any awards, certificates or recognition for their achievements this year.

*For all the gossipers, drama mamas & troublemakers reading this (not that there are any – but I’m sure you know who you are if you are) – before you completely take what I just said out of context & turn it into an old fashioned game of telephone- let me clarify what I mean by this:

I am NOT at all mad at the school or school officials, teachers, counselors, gym teachers, watchdog dads, librarian, lunch people, tables, chairs, and so on. I’m only mad at the roaches. (That was a joke). I’m actually not mad at anyone at all – and believe it or not – I’m not even mad at my kids! (Insert shock & awe and loud gasps here).

*Before I go any further, I want to add a disclaimer here for all my pissed off offended friends who think I’m talking about them right now: rest assured – I am not – there have been literally hundreds of you posting stuff – and I’m sincerely proud of your babies!! *

As a mother, you tend to invest a lot of yourself in your children, and it is absolutely fantastic when your kids do well & are recognized for their efforts. But when they do poorly – we tend to get embarrassed and blame the dad, the teacher, their friends or the dog. LOL. Ok not really. (Well…maybe really).

Perfect Parents: Go ahead & give yourself a pat on the back & grab some popcorn because ima bout to say a whole bunch of sh*t that I’m sure don’t apply. When your child struggles – with anything – it’s really easy to think that you are the absolute worse parent on earth. Well – I do want to give all the normal parents a shout out to let us know that this is absolutely not true….I mean, seriously – have you watched the news?? We’re good. Oh, also – people only post what they are proud of and want others to see about their lives – and of course that is mostly happy positive things about their self, family or food (bc let’s face it – we ALL want to know what was for dinner and I don’t care what you say). I guess what I’m getting at is that no one should use what is seen on Facebook, or any type of social media, to compare their lives to because all these posts are just an illusion. Everyone struggles. No parent is perfect (don’t spill your popcorn). Every kid will not get recognized for their achievements or get an award for being awesome because the schools can only hand out so many awards and they pick based off of what benefits the school. All A’s is a standard that all schools should recognize – because it is difficult for most students to achieve. So kudos to the kiddos who achieved that!

Now that we have established that this is not an angry blog – and that I am not an angry mama – and that I am not bashing proud parents, or anyone from the schools – let me get to my point.

I know my kids won’t get an award for their types of accomplishments this year because their achievements are not traditional. In fact – their achievements are so extraordinary that the schools don’t yet know how to process their type of awesome & have yet to invent appropriate certificates for them! I like to pride myself in the fact that I’m not fake – and I don’t have anything to hide. So please, gather round as I recognize my kids for their achievements this year (snaps & drumrolls):

ASHLEY: Where do I begin??? ADHD seems to be a trend popping up nationwide in children everywhere, regardless of whether or not they have true ADHD. It seems like if a child learns at a different pace, in a different way, has a lot of energy or just doesn’t grasp the material taught in class - they are put on ADHD medicine. In fact, it happens so often that the children that legitimately have the issue are being compared and measured up against the others & thought abnormal that they don’t have the same successes with medication as “this child” over here - who went from A’s B’s & 1 C to straight A’s! (True Story). Well, we moved from Cy-Fair to Klein ISD for her because we heard that it was better for kids with her issue - & where medication is concerned, Ashley has gone through more than any child should ever have to. She has been put through every medicine known to man, and has experienced all their fabulous side effects, (mood swings, temper flares, crying, extreme weight loss, drug withdrawals, anxiety, depression, etc.) – Oh & please note: none of these side effects included straight A’s. In fact, she was such an emotional wreck, that she had a hard time relating to people, which made making & keeping friends very difficult because she was teased and picked on by the way she acted when she was merely having bad reactions from medicines & had so much going on in her little body & mind to process, I mean seriously - how the hell could she focus on grades?? (I will also say that Parents can be just as bad as kids.) Anyway – I forced you to relive that nightmare with me to bring you to her major accomplishment this year. When Ashley was entering middle school, we made the decision to TAKE HER OFF ALL MEDICATIONS, despite what the teachers and doctors recommended to us. BEST. DECISION. EVER. Over this past school year, we have watched Ashley blossom back into the cheerful, happy, sweet, un-complicated child she was before we started medication. Ashley has done better this year academically than her dad or I could have ever imagined possible – and all without the “help” of ADHD medicines. Did she make straight A’s? Hell no. But her report card contains the most beautiful A’s, B’s and C’s I have ever seen AND she passed both STAAR tests on the first try (which didn’t happen last year). She has worked her butt off this year because she CARES and that is all any parent should want from their kid. She made the school cheer squad, lots of new friends, and had a great year & I want to recognize her for EXCELLENCE IN LIFE & NEVER GIVING UP.

RYAN: (Probably the only one of my kids that might have actually gotten some type of award at school – I don’t actually know yet because I have a job and can’t take off work 3 different times this week to go to 3 different awards ceremonies – so I didn’t go to any – that why no kid will feel slighted). Ryan has always done fairly well in school – but has been having a hard time with math lately – and I’m thrilled that he also passed all the STAAR tests on the first try!! This boy makes us proud everyday & we love him dearly. Ryan hasn’t had the obstacles in his path like his sister has – and for that I’m grateful. Ryan will be starting Fifth grade next year!! Ryan is “that kid” in our house that everyone gets compared to – “Why can’t you be more like Ryan!?” or “Ryan didn’t do that”. Or “Well Ryan doesn’t need toilet paper”. You get it. Ryan – to you I give the EXCELLENCE IN MAINTAINING SANITY IN A HOUSEFULL OF GIRLS award. (you too Jason).

SUMMER: Lordy lordy. This little wild child is a pistol. Not everyone know quite how to take her at first because even though she is little, when she enters the room – she commands the attention of everyone else in the room. She is witty, hilarious, goofy, & incredibly infuriating *but* of all 3 of my kids – even though she is an independent, free spirited & energetic child that looks like she isn’t paying attention to anyone else around her - Summer is the most thoughtful of the bunch and would do anything for anyone. Although Summer gives her teachers a run for their money, she means well – I mean, trying to keep her in a classroom is like a trying to tell a bird not to fly. I’ve actually been somewhat disappointed this year that no one seems to recognize all she HAS achieved this year. No – she is not a straight A student – but that child ended the school year last year barely even able to read a sentence. She could pick out the words individually – but wouldn’t recognize it when it was in a sentence to save her life. Well – now she is reading independently and I don’t even have to help her with any of the words. She reads street signs – IS PISSED THAT PEOPLE KEEP LOSING THEIR DOGS & POSTING SIGNS ABOUT IT – and reads to me in the grocery store. This accomplishment – of all the things she has done this year that *do* come easily for her – this one is my favorite. No she isn’t quick at math - which is how they test your fluency – but dang it – she can do it. I don’t even have to help her anymore with 3 digit addition or subtraction and reading a clock!! No she didn’t catch on quickly – but she did catch on – and for that – I am proud of her. All she can do is improve and keep working at her own pace and learning in her own way – she’ll get there because she is not a quitter. Summer receives the EXCELLENCE IN HARD WORK, DETERMINATION & PERSEVERANCE award.

Ok. I am done.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

EAT MORE CHOCOLATE

Because nothing does a body good like a good ole fashioned rant … and let’s be honest – very few things in life inspire me.

I’ll prove it to you and list them.
God. Food. Wine. Sandy Beaches. Music. Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain. Good Books. Wine. Romantic movies. Random acts of kindness. Sales at my favorite stores. Fluffy kittens.

Well – ok maybe there are a little more things than I thought – but fluffy kittens don’t generally inspire any Pulitzer Prize writing material the way that judgmental hypocritical haters do. What is so funny is that I’m actually not even talking about anything that happened to myself.
I have this crazy awesome superpower called “Empathy” that allows me to get mad on the general public’s behalf. It’s BOSS. I’ve been wanting to use that word for about 6 months (happy dance).

Ok so here goes.

WHY are people hating about what people post on Facebook?

So Helga is 47, unmarried, lonely and wants to tell you that her meatloaf was sublime.

Or Fred has some weird affinity for nipple piercings and tattoos and wants to tell the world that he is unique and kinda creepy. Ok really creepy.

So what if Melva wants to tell us she is going to the grocery store…for like… the 8th time this week…maybe that is seriously the most exciting thing to happen to her since the Piggly Wiggly opened in 1938.

Who cares if lil Suzy got straight A’s for the 18th consecutive school year and Johnny is being recruited by the Mets as we speak because his batting average is legendary.

I guess what I’m getting at is that people need to chill the fuck out and quit meddling worrying about what other people do on their own Facebook page!!

If you don’t want to read these things about people – then WHY oh WHY are you friends with them on Facebook? If you have an issue with people posting details about their lives, then solution is simple. You need to increase your intake of chocolate. No really. Studies prove that happy people eat chocolate.

I’m not saying that I stop everything I’m doing, get up, twirl the dog around and kiss the floor when I find out that Helga has, in fact, created the world’s finest meatloaf….I actually do something far more exciting…..I keep on scrolling. Good for you Helga.

The world is jam packed full of people trying to critique, ridicule, embarrass and tear each other down.

No wonder there are so many unhappy people in the world that do TERRIBLE things to their fellow man.

We might not see the importance in Melva’s 18th trip to the grocery store – but guyswhat if Melva doesn’t have ANYONE else to tell that to? What if this is her way of seeing if anyone gives 2 shits about her? What if this is her cry for help??

All I’m saying – is that people need to UNFRIEND, NEVER FRIEND, or BE A BETTER FRIEND to those around us and stop hatin’. Now go eat some chocolate.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Those who suck usually don't fall far from the tit

Ok. Maybe I'm back by popular demand....or maybe it was the sad look in my mother's eyes after I said the word "Tit" on face book....you pick....but the time has come for me to be able to let the free thinking flow and say TIT when I want to. so TIT. TITTY. Damn that feels good. No words. No judgement. Just me. Raw. Unedited. Made for E-Blogger. It all started when I posted a status on face book that said "Those who suck usually don't fall far from the TIT". Well come on people it's true. School shootings, school stabbings, throwing pancakes at cute girls, stabbing pencils into the arms of those who accidentally bump into them in the hallway. It all leaves me cold, upset, and hungry. If one more news update makes me stress eat I might go postal. And by postal I mean grab a handful of M&M's and throw them violently back into the jar because I can't eat them....I'm on a cleanse!! Wahhhh!!! Ok - clearly I've wandered from my point. Yes. I said Tit. But why did I say it? Because somewhere from breast feeding a precious baby and ... well ... life - grew an adolescent that thinks it's ok to go into school and murder his classmates; or has no problem chunking pancakes at a random stranger; or thinks that stabbing a classmate is ok because they "Pissed him off"; or thinks that jabbing a pencil into someone who said "sorry" for bumping them in the hallway is a great decision. How does that happen? How do these kids go from tiny helpless infants - to soulless monsters?? Is it Nature? Is it Nurture? Is it Grand Theft Auto? All I know is that Yes. I say the word TIT when I get angry. Because either they were violently ripped from the tit while they were babies and thrown into the woods to be raised by wolves.....or they were indulged and undisciplined as kids and grew into these fun lil demons with no conscience.....OR maybe they inherited the Asshole gene and they get allowance from pop for every kid he hurts. Bottom line....something is going wrong somewhere. I personally think that this is what happens when you kick God out of the schools....but I know plenty of christians with cute lil bundles of demonly joy as well. Ok - well I have to pee....so tata for now.