EAT MORE CHOCOLATE

Because nothing does a body good like a good ole fashioned rant … and let’s be honest – very few things in life inspire me.

I’ll prove it to you and list them.
God. Food. Wine. Sandy Beaches. Music. Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain. Good Books. Wine. Romantic movies. Random acts of kindness. Sales at my favorite stores. Fluffy kittens.

Well – ok maybe there are a little more things than I thought – but fluffy kittens don’t generally inspire any Pulitzer Prize writing material the way that judgmental hypocritical haters do. What is so funny is that I’m actually not even talking about anything that happened to myself.
I have this crazy awesome superpower called “Empathy” that allows me to get mad on the general public’s behalf. It’s BOSS. I’ve been wanting to use that word for about 6 months (happy dance).

Ok so here goes.

WHY are people hating about what people post on Facebook?

So Helga is 47, unmarried, lonely and wants to tell you that her meatloaf was sublime.

Or Fred has some weird affinity for nipple piercings and tattoos and wants to tell the world that he is unique and kinda creepy. Ok really creepy.

So what if Melva wants to tell us she is going to the grocery store…for like… the 8th time this week…maybe that is seriously the most exciting thing to happen to her since the Piggly Wiggly opened in 1938.

Who cares if lil Suzy got straight A’s for the 18th consecutive school year and Johnny is being recruited by the Mets as we speak because his batting average is legendary.

I guess what I’m getting at is that people need to chill the fuck out and quit meddling worrying about what other people do on their own Facebook page!!

If you don’t want to read these things about people – then WHY oh WHY are you friends with them on Facebook? If you have an issue with people posting details about their lives, then solution is simple. You need to increase your intake of chocolate. No really. Studies prove that happy people eat chocolate.

I’m not saying that I stop everything I’m doing, get up, twirl the dog around and kiss the floor when I find out that Helga has, in fact, created the world’s finest meatloaf….I actually do something far more exciting…..I keep on scrolling. Good for you Helga.

The world is jam packed full of people trying to critique, ridicule, embarrass and tear each other down.

No wonder there are so many unhappy people in the world that do TERRIBLE things to their fellow man.

We might not see the importance in Melva’s 18th trip to the grocery store – but guys – what if Melva doesn’t have ANYONE else to tell that to? What if this is her way of seeing if anyone gives 2 shits about her? What if this is her cry for help??

All I’m saying – is that people need to UNFRIEND, NEVER FRIEND, or BE A BETTER FRIEND to those around us and stop hatin’. Now go eat some chocolate.

Those who suck usually don't fall far from the tit

Ok. Maybe I'm back by popular demand....or maybe it was the sad look in my mother's eyes after I said the word "Tit" on face book....you pick....but the time has come for me to be able to let the free thinking flow and say TIT when I want to. so TIT. TITTY. Damn that feels good. No words. No judgement. Just me. Raw. Unedited. Made for E-Blogger. It all started when I posted a status on face book that said "Those who suck usually don't fall far from the TIT". Well come on people it's true. School shootings, school stabbings, throwing pancakes at cute girls, stabbing pencils into the arms of those who accidentally bump into them in the hallway. It all leaves me cold, upset, and hungry. If one more news update makes me stress eat I might go postal. And by postal I mean grab a handful of M&M's and throw them violently back into the jar because I can't eat them....I'm on a cleanse!! Wahhhh!!! Ok - clearly I've wandered from my point. Yes. I said Tit. But why did I say it? Because somewhere from breast feeding a precious baby and ... well ... life - grew an adolescent that thinks it's ok to go into school and murder his classmates; or has no problem chunking pancakes at a random stranger; or thinks that stabbing a classmate is ok because they "Pissed him off"; or thinks that jabbing a pencil into someone who said "sorry" for bumping them in the hallway is a great decision. How does that happen? How do these kids go from tiny helpless infants - to soulless monsters?? Is it Nature? Is it Nurture? Is it Grand Theft Auto? All I know is that Yes. I say the word TIT when I get angry. Because either they were violently ripped from the tit while they were babies and thrown into the woods to be raised by wolves.....or they were indulged and undisciplined as kids and grew into these fun lil demons with no conscience.....OR maybe they inherited the Asshole gene and they get allowance from pop for every kid he hurts. Bottom line....something is going wrong somewhere. I personally think that this is what happens when you kick God out of the schools....but I know plenty of christians with cute lil bundles of demonly joy as well. Ok - well I have to pee....so tata for now.