Peezing. It's not just your Granny's problem anymore.

Today on the blog I want to discuss a subject that’s very near and dear to my heart….or should I say my lady parts. (Sorry….heart and parts rhymed so I had to go with it).

Before I go any further I want you to understand that this is a topic that affects all ladies at some point in their vaginal journey. Don’t let any of us tell you otherwise, because if a lady lies and says that she does not deal with this issue, she will activate an ancient curse that will directly impact her vagina and the vaginas of all the females in her bloodline! I’m not even lying. Ok – maybe I am…..it’s really just a hunch….no one has ever really tested this theory because EW.

Ladies spend a lot of time doing things that make us feel good about ourselves. We get routine manicures & pedicures, spend lots of money having our hair cut & highlighted, buy expensive perfumes, take lots of bubble baths & apply creamy lotions to make our skin feel its softest, shave or wax away all of our body hair so we feel less mammal-y, we have an intense regimen of makeup and lip gloss application before anyone is allowed to see what we really look like, and we wear clothes that we hope will make us look like Christie Brinkley from Vacation professional. I mean we really go through a lot of trouble to be the foxy ladies we are.

Which is why it’s an absolute insult that our bodies turn against us when we sneeze.

This morning after I showered, put on my lotion & makeup, fixed my hair, got dressed for work & squirted a few sprays of my favorite perfume – I PEEZED, while I was standing in the bathroom, looking all fresh

in the middle of a conversation with my husband. What, pray tell, is a peeze? A peeze is when you let out a little (or a lot) of pee whilst sneezing….and it doesn’t even require a full bladder!! So the hubby saw the funny look that crossed my face and asked me if he said something that made me mad...and I had to be honest and tell him that I wasn’t even listening to him because I just pissed my pants.

I am not sure if he believed me at first, but he could tell by the dismal look on my face that he should turn around and leave me with my dignity as I changed my outfit. I’m guessing life as a peezer is going to require lots of laundry soap and backup outfits. Really.

But really??? Dammit, I do my Kegels!! *Shakes fist* I didn’t even squeeze any babies out of that area – so what the hell, V?? When did you pick up this new trick??

As if we ladies don’t have enough to deal with already!! We have periods, cramps, babies that either get cut out of our bodies or squeezed through our tiny little holes….and NOW we have to also deal with the threat of unleashing Tropical Storms in our panties every time we sneeze!? Seriously? Bless our hearts!!

So I did a little homework on this subject – and it turns out the google scholars call it INCONTINENCE and it happens after we have babies or as we age. I don’t know if I agree with that term since I don’t go around peeing on myself all the time or with every sneeze. Peezing takes us by surprise & happens randomly - so I’m sticking with the term PEEZE.

So WHY am I peezing? Am I not doing my Kegels correctly??

How will I cope with this new development during allergy season?? Should I start wearing the “GoGirl” every Spring??

Should I add ‘Depends’ to the grocery budget?

Should I run to the bathroom and sit on the potty every time I feel the urge to sneeze?

Should I pack myself a diaper bag every day?

I challenge the experienced peezers everywhere to enlighten us with your strategies. Help a peezer out, here!

Sincerely, a concerned peezer who is currently performing very rapid and aggressive Kegels.