Keep Your Hand At The Level Of Your Eyes!

There are some things in life that you just don’t see coming….but the zits that have taken up residence right in between my eyeballs can be seen clearly from miles and miles away!!

It’s a bird….It’s a plane….it’s… Lindsay the Cyclops!

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Do not run children! I will not eat you! The Seeing Eye is filled with love! (And pus).

It’s not like I’m an extremely vain person, but my body has obviously forgotten which stage of puberty I am supposed to be in. I am 38 years old!! I should be getting chemical peels, microdermabrasion treatments and filling my wrinkles up with Botox, not raiding my local zit cabinet!

I guess it’s time for me to face the facts that because I didn’t have hideous breakouts as a teenager, it’s my turn now... as an adult. I really have no qualms using OXY, or layering on that weird yellow camouflage correction goo that makes my zits look less like zits and more like abnormal growths…(by the way -NEVER google images of abnormal facial growths. Like ever.) anyway - having a third eyeball really changes a person. It’s just insulting!

I have to be seen in public….at work….with people!! I’m a professional, dammit! *Everyone* knows that professionals with 3 eyes are not taken near as seriously as their 2 eyed brethren.

My poor coworkers don’t know what to do when they talk to me. They shift their focus back and forth between my 3 eyes, not sure where to look

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Then pretend not to notice as they gaze with ultra-intense eye contact because fear blinking and accidentally catching a glimpse of it

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Finally they end up just avoiding direct eye contact altogether and look intently at their papers, the floor or the walls!

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I feel like I should grab a Phantom of the Opera mask and shout out, “KEEP YOUR HAND AT THE LEVEL OF YOUR EYES!” as they walk through the hallways towards my office!

*Unrelated Side note: Gerard makes that mask look trendy ;)

So here I am...contemplating life while I consider sitting on my hands to keep me from popping my pimples, and all I really have left to say is that these zits are keeping me young! You guys can all go purchase your anti-wrinkle serums....if you need me - I'll be on the acne aisle where the party *really* is. And I really really do bathe, I promise.

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