After all.....who wouldn't be down to drink some 'New Year, New Me' juice? Sign me up!
My main focuses for 2017 are to eat healthier and to try not to cuss so damn much. Which brings me to my point.
Fresh. Local. Young. Chicken.
So believe it or not, I've intentionally managed to navigate through my most of my life without preparing or cooking any type of animal products with the bones & guts still intact. It just grosses me out. Ribs, drumsticks, bone-in pork chops, whole chickens, Thanksgiving turkeys...and don't even get me started on eating lobsters, shrimp and crabs who still can gaze upon you with their little black crusty cooked eyeballs as you are barbarically ripping the flesh from their freshly boiled alive corpses and chowing down on them with a side of melted butter.
I just don't need the added reminder that what I'm eating used to be alive.
So you can imagine the look on my face when my latest 'gotta lose weight fast' diet plan involved preparing and slow cooking a fresh local young whole chicken.
So in order to begin preparing the chicken...you must first remove it from the plastic stay-fresh sac you purchased it in. Now just to further reiterate what you probably already know....those sacs have ounces and ounces of yucky fluid (see very 'faint bc my Paint skills suck' yellow arrows)
First step.....remove the Gizzards and Guts. GIZZARDS AND GUTS!? Barf! Oh, and guess where those are located. INSIDE THE BELLY OF THE DECEASED. I had to go in and remove the gizzards and guts. I HAD TO GO "IN". IN!! As in IN in! I had to go IN and pull out the guts.
But I did find out my gag reflex is fully functional and operating at a high rate of speed. I basically have the gag reflex of a 25 year old. Not to brag. #toolate
After violating this poor dead chicken corpse.....I had to season it. I was happy to mix the seasoning in a separate bowl and stir....but then I had to rub it all over this bird. Have you ever picked up a fresh local young chicken? It's totally the size of an infant. I haven't held anything so tiny since I had my babies! AND there was no hair on the skin....so it didn't feel like an animal. I felt like a cannibal after rubbing down this small lifeless corpse and putting it over sliced onions in my crock pot. I had to leave and run some errands after putting it on to cook....but it messed with my head for like at least 45 whole minutes after the fact..as the following text will prove:
I was able to move past the trauma of chicken preparation and settle into my day. I did often think about the poor little guy when I rounded corners and smelled his lil body cooking...but I found it was bearable if I didn't look too often.
By the time he was done cooking....he looked like a normal well-adjusted roasted chicken and was actually quite tasty! (and low fat). Best part is I get to snack on the lil guy all week long...so I guess it wasn't all in vain...but I can definitely say I probably won't do it again. I still want to eat it though....so I'll just make sure I delegate the preparation next time!
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!
Love it as always! Can't wait for the next installment.
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!! (it's me,.. MOM) To think your great grandmother used to scoop up a chicken running in the yard, whip it by the neck to kill it, then pluck out the feathers!!!!! The smell of boiling feathers was atrocious!! I knew there was something scary about her!!! I'm proud you finally crossed the barrier and became a real cook!! It's part of the "MOM" job description! Your description was not only hilarious, it was totally right on!!!! Still laughing at the graphics!!
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