WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW.....

Friendship.

This is a topic I’ve been debating with myself about posting for a while now, because there is no way to not offend people I know or have my friends asking themselves if they are the assholes I’m talking about wondering if I’m referring to them.

However, after some tragic news I received this morning about a co-worker’s son taking his own life due to bullying, I’m convinced that this topic has been placed on my heart for a reason.

How does someone get to the point where they feel like suicide is a viable option?

Bullying is a HUGE problem that does not seem to be getting any better and it can be very hard for kids to escape it, even after they leave school for the day… ESPECIALLY if they have a cell phone with all the trendy aps aimed at keeping them plugged in and connected to their peers forever and ever and ever. And ever.

Kids are mean...and parents can be oblivious to it or think that their child isn’t doing anything wrong when they hear them making fun of other kids in the next room with their friends, and I’ve even witnessed some parents joining in.

Self-Image impacts nearly every single human alive due to the unrealistic pressures put upon us by society to meet their defined stereotypical standards of attractiveness. But definitely more so to our youth.
Boys are supposed to be tall, muscular & athletic.

God forbid they hit their growth spurt late.

Girls should be thin, always look beautiful & be dressed in all the latest fashion trends.

If a girl is fat – dear lord please let her be funny.

Self Esteem plays a big part in our overall outlook on life and when you feel like you don’t measure up....it has an impact on your self worth.

Competition for a spot on a team or an organization within the school system is insane these days. If you want to join the cheer squad, you better have your standing tuck by the time you exit the womb or you’re outta luck.

If you want to play baseball or football, you better be able to hit a homerun or score a touchdown by your mother’s second trimester or don’t even bother trying out.

So many kids are enrolled in tumbling / dance or youth sports at such early ages in life, that they build their entire world around it & have expectations that are completely shattered if they don’t make a team in school, which can leave them feeling devastated, isolated and depressed.

Isolation is entirely preventable & so often ignored in general, by adults & children alike, that it’s no wonder a child can feel like there is no one to talk to.

I am an introvert and meeting new people can be an overwhelming and daunting task…unfortunately my oldest daughter inherited this trait from me, so I’ve gotten to witness a lot of moments in her life that have reminded me of my own sour childhood experiences. Isolation and feeling disliked DOES have an impact on someone’s overall feeling of self-worth, even if they put up a tough exterior.

We can try and compartmentalize the contributing factors of suicide, we can talk all day long about how we live in a society that doesn't value life, and that video games let a person die a million deaths but you can always go grab a sandwich, come back to life and play again (which can skew reality for our children) and we can say that no one should think suicide is an option to any of life's problems....but what can WE do, individually, to combat this problem? You know, besides talking. What actual action can we take to ensure that we aren't contributing to the problem?

What can be done? How can we help someone who feels insecure, isolated & alone avoid thoughts of suicide?

FRIENDSHIP.

Having friends can make all the difference in the world, especially to someone who feels isolated, bullied & unwanted.

How can we teach our kids to notice when someone is being bullied, and go talk to that person and show them kindness. If they see that someone is eating lunch under the staircase all alone, reach out to them and ask them to join you. If someone is crying, acknowledge them and give them a tissue. BE AWARE and THERE for someone! It could make all the difference in that person's life. Humans are not meant to be alone.
How can we, as parents, teach our kids how to be better friends? Well we can definitely teach our children by condemning their gossipy & cliquey behavior, teach them how to treat people behind their backs as well as in front of their faces, teach them to include people & reach out to those who are alone and we can definitely teach them BY SETTING A BETTER EXAMPLE OF FRIENDSHIP FOR THEM!! Even as an adult I'm still caught by surprise at how totally self absorbed, thoughtless and rude some adults are. I am A PERFECT FRIEND not without my own faults, nobody is....but acknowledging that we have a responsibility to teach our children how not to be an asshole to be better people can start today.

For example, if you notice that your child has cliquey tendencies & tends to make fun of people from their school with their friends a lot…..SHUT that shit behavior down. I don’t care if you think your child is a bully or not…..if they are making fun of people with their friends in your home, you can be sure it goes to school with them as well. Parents need to realize that gossiping IS a form of bullying, and the thoughts that come out of your child's mouth on a Friday night with their friends do not stay at home while they leave for school on Monday morning. Parents should know this and realize it will affect their behavior away from home.

Start early on & teach them! I personally prefer a more “hands on” approach and have personally shamed my youngest daughter & her friends (several times) and lectured them on all the possible things that could be happening in that child’s life, behind the scenes, and made them feel like hideous tiny human beings for talking bad about the person. Even if they only felt that way for 5 whole seconds. Consistency is key.

I have volunteered in several capacities for various youth sports organizations for over 10 years and invited many kids that my kiddos didn’t necessarily like to their birthday parties, movie trips, or any type of gathering where a child might have heard about it later on and gotten their feelings hurt if they hadn’t been invited.
Why?
Because I was the child that didn’t get included and I have wiped many tears from my own children’s faces after being excluded. Can I just say that there is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing a tiny little face full of tears and disappointment because they weren’t included?

If my kids didn’t like it, I said tough shit and explained to them why we were not going to do that to someone...and guess what – they survived it and are better people because of it.

I’ll admit, the minute my kids started to get excluded from parties after I extended the olive branch…..I learned for my next party who I could omit from the guest list. I’m not Jesus after all.

Even as an adult, I still witness adolescent behavior out of other fully grown adults. Dance moms that gossip with other dance moms about another dance mom, or worse....the dancer, right in front of their daughters, or dads that make fun of smaller & weaker boys on their son's sports team right in front of their sons. What kind of effect does this have on your child? What kind of effect does it have on the other child? Is this kind of behavior helping the bullying problem?
Anyway I guess my point is that if we want bullying to stop - we need first and foremost stop ignoring bullyish behavior. We need to teach our kids to be better people. We need to be better people. We need to do better.

Kindness costs NOTHING and it goes a long way.

PEACE OUT.

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