Roach Lives Matter. NOT.

Warning: I’ve included nasty gross pictures in this blog. If you, or anyone you love, is a roach sympathizer….you should turn away now and run!!!! (Or just keep scrolling).

So there I was, minding my own business and taking advantage of the precious few minutes I had to myself before needing to leave and pick my daughter up from Drill Team camp, so I thought I’d straighten up my atrocious almost spotless kitchen. The house was really relaxing and quiet as I listened to the rain fall gently outside and reflected on the ever growing pile of laundry and an amazing amount of Husky hair that was in desperate need of vacuuming my clean home.

And then it happened. I innocently reached up to put a container of sea salt away in the cabinet above the microwave and to my surprise – I saw a nasty HUGE gross disgusting roach making love to a bottle of Madagascar Vanilla!!! OMG!!! The roach didn’t seem to take notice of my presence, despite my horrific gasp and blood curling scream….and in all honesty I can totally understand why because it really is some pretty tasty vanilla.

Now if you don’t know about Texas roaches, allow me to enlighten you. They fly. That’s right! THEY. FLY. !!!!! It’s an abomination! It goes against nature and everything else I believe in! These revolting little creatures are the Devil’s messengers and I had to take it out and before it flew off to other spices in my cabinet! That lil tidbit should make it a lot easier for you to stomach the rest of this story.

So after I scream, I back away slowly after spending way too much time watching this thing gettin’ down and dirty with MY precious vanilla bottle. I was still facing them, squatting carefully and not breaking eye contact - while trying to find some bug spray under the sink with my peripheral vision.

I was actually quite impressed with my squat – thanks to my new strength training class – and was feeling a little James Bond-y as I grabbed the Roach spray and proceeded on with my mission. I was so thankful that the roach was completely oblivious to what was going on around him as I made my move. I slowly lifted the can of roach spray and unleashed fury!! I screamed and laughed and sprayed like my life depended on it!
GRAPHIC CRIME SCENE PICTURES BELOW:

I know what you are thinking. What a poor little roach … just minding his own business and then gets wrongly sprayed down and killed. Well you’re right…..about everything except the killed part!! He didn’t die!! That sucker took flight after being doused in pounds of HotShot and came right at me!!!! I screamed….and ran…and swatted and sprayed and screamed some more….and then I realized that I lost him!!!
Was he alive? Was he dead? Was my roach spray expired? Good grief the possibilities were endless!! The only thing I knew was that I would not step on it if I saw it because I just can’t handle the crunch sound, so I knew that if my spray was no good, I was a goner. This thing had a thirst for blood!! And vanilla.
I snuck around the corner and scouted out the area very carefully….making sure I didn’t slip in any puddles of the roach spray. That’s when I saw it. Twitching and being all gross on my floor.

So I tried to be merciful and make him die quicker by spraying more gallons of roach spray. But it just didn’t work…..this little guy was a fighter.

I stood there and sprayed for a good 4 seconds, coming to grips with my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder when I noticed why he was wiggling and irritated. (Not that being poisoned is a pleasant experience, but I did expect that the little guy would finally accept his fate and give in) but as I looked down at this disgusting demon bug poor poor roach, I notice that he is pissed because he is trapped inside of a ball of Husky hair. No lie. Look:

My dirty house just saved my life!

Stay tuned for next weeks blog: Life with 4 dogs!