So a Yorkie, a Cocker Spaniel, a Husky & a Shi Tzu Walk into a Bar….. (not really)

*Disclaimer*
Before we continue, I feel like I need to let you all in on a little secret. All of my animal lover friends are in for a total shock so #hideyokidshideyerwife and for the love of God don’t tell Rob Thomas because I’ll deny it…right after I purple your nurple. So here goes – (insert drumroll) I don’t like dogs. Ugh! There I said it!
I am and have always been a cat person!!
Every time your dog puts its cold lil nose on my leg…thousands of my eggs drop dead instantly. When your dog wants to play fetch…I want to throw the toy or stick in front of a car another dog lover who equally loves the game of fetch. Sure, I’ll pet your dog and play nice – but you should know that each time I do that a homeless kitten dies. Besides, I don’t even want to pet *my* dogs.
So I ask you this….. how in the *hell* did I end up with 4 dogs??!

Well it all started when my husband got the hankering to buy our borderline teacup sized yorkie, Chloe, because the breed doesn’t shed, are easy to clean up after and will forever look like a puppy.

And all of that is true....except for the part about being easy to clean up after. There ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough to keep her from peeing on the floor. That's right. Miss Chloe is a VIOLATOR! She doesn't know who you are or where you are from but she will find you and she will pee on you.

Chloe is well aware of what she is doing too. She is a very smart sneaky girl. She knows full well that peeing anywhere and everywhere is frowned upon in Stroudia but she doesn't have any fucks left to give and if we don't like it, we can eat her poo.... cuz there is plenty of that to go around as well!

Speaking of smarts....let me tell you about doggie #2, Sampson. After binge watching Lady in the Tramp and drinking large amounts of wine, I had convinced myself that a cocker spaniel would open me up to a heightened since of doggie love awareness...and let's face it - there are not many things in life cuter than a chubby cocker spaniel puppy.

But then they grow up. And you find out that he was a product of inbreeding and has no actual living brain cells. I know it sounds really mean but this poor baby boy hasn't got the sense God gave a goose. He runs sideways, pees and poops whenever the feeling hits him AND pops an erection every time you pet him. Every. Damn. Time.
But I can overlook his stupidity, make him an outside dog and avoid the lipstick because ew... what I cannot handle is that he likes to eat fabric, which includes but is not limited to a high dollar pair of pants I recently purchased AND he LOVES to eat the crotch out of any and all panties within his reach!! *Gasp* Can you believe it?! Also when anyone has food and puts their hands down just right....he will snatch whatever you are eating and make it his bitch. Sampson is a VIOLATOR!

But he doesn't know it because he can't think. Bless his heart....at least he's cute.

Our 3rd dog, Honey is basically a cat. I'm not even kidding. Look.

Not a good shot? Here is a close up.

You know you're a cat when you have your own matching cat underwear.

I love my cat.
Ok Honey is not a cat. I know. But she basically is. Honey is the most laid back dog that I have ever seen in my life!! She is even too laid back to go to the bathroom outside.....so as much as it pains me to say....Honey is a VIOLATOR. (And she eats Chloe's poop). Ew. Sorry Honey....this hurts me worse than it hurts you.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST!! Meet our 4th dog, the Husky Makita!

Hands down the smartest dog we have ever had. AND She's potty trained!!! (Probably because we weren't responsible for the training. Oops.) We adopted Makita after one of our friends died tragically in a car accident. Makita is beautiful, smart and doesn't pee on my floors. That makes her almost perfect. ALMOST. Makita has some doggie sociopathic tendencies. She likes to pick fights with the other dogs, eat all of their food and use her size to intimidate them. She is seriously like a Giant compared to the other dogs. Makita also has a wild streak and we can't let her out ever because she is wicked fast and you can't catch her. But all of that is one thing. Holy mother of SHEDDING!!!! I'm talking hair the size of small cities floating in the air, the floor, your food, your clothes, your mouth (no really...that just happened), your bubble baths, your buttcrack (that also happened...to...a friend)....EVERYWHERE !! Makita...you are a VIOLATOR.

OK so my fingers hurts and wine calls!!!! TTFN. XOXO BTW - if you read this.....all of it (i know it's long but dang I have 4 dogs!!)....feel free to comment below!!!